Cheap Ass Rocky road

Do you have no money but want to show your Valentine’s that you love them? Or are you looking for a way to just eat your feelings today? Either way if you’re a huge tight ass here is the best cheap-ass rocky road recipe ever. It’s also super easy to make so you can quickly get back to your Candy Crush game, the only time in life where melting chocolate is evil.

Once upon a time when I was a tight ass, I used to make this for friends birthdays, parties and for Prince Charming on our monthly anniversaries. This rocky road is so awesome that my friends didn’t dump me after, as the great taste and texture of this recipe outweighed my cheap gestures.

There are two editions below, a Valentine’s edition and a normal everyday edition. Both will set you back a total of $4.67 and $7.17, respectively when the generic brand, supermarket ingredients have been apportioned.

Tight-ass Rocky Road (Valentine’s edition)

This version makes six solid rocky road hearts, which if we’re being lame will win the heart of a man who should really be a woman (i.e. a transvestite).

What you will need:

  • 160g marshmallows, chopped into halves
  • 18 raspberry lollies approx 90-100 grams, chopped into thirds
  • 1.5 tbs 40 grams crushed peanuts
  • 3-4tbs desiccated coconut approx 60 g
  • 300 grams chocolate

What to do:

  1. Get out your 6 heart silicone baking tin. This one was bought from Kmart for $5.
  2. Distribute marshmallows, raspberry lollies, coconut and peanuts equally.
  3. Melt chocolate
  4. Working quickly, place chocolate into each heart and mix with ingredients until combined
  5. Place rocky road in the fridge/freezer until hard

Make sure to lick the bowl and all the spoons clean because doing this brings back childhood nostalgia.


Normal everyday edition:

This edition is for the lazy people who can’t be bothered with the hearts or people who just want to eat their feelings. It makes a whole baking tin worth, so you can gift up to three friends with tight-ass rocky road for less than $2.50 a serve.

What you will need:

  • 250g marshmallows
  • 30 (165g) raspberries lollies
  • 3-4tbs (60-80g) crushed peanuts
  • 5-6tbs (approx 100g) desiccated coconut
  • 400grams melted chocolate

What to do:

  1. Get a normal round/square baking tin, probably best to line it with some baking paper.
  2. Follow steps 2 to 5 above


Admittedly this one does not look as pretty but it’s deliciously ugly and has a similar texture to the Darrell Lea rocky road only with a better taste.

Have time to show more love? You could also make her a Pikachu card