The Filet O Fish Loophole

At the time of writing, the gourmet Filet O Fish burger is an unaffordable $4.75. And no, that’s not the small McValue meal, that’s just the tiny,  unsatisfying minibun burger.

How can I enjoy a filet o fish when I can’t even afford it without a loophole?

Being 25 years old, my parents no longer pay for my McDonald’s trips and all McExpenses are paid for out of my own pocket. So here today is the Filet O Fish loophole, which willl save you $1.35 cents off the retail price.

The Filet-O-Fish Loophole


  • 1 Chicken N Cheese with no McChicken patty and no sauce $1.40
  • 1 Filet O Fish patty $1.60
  • 1 serving of tartare sauce $0.40

Total: $3.40



Here’s how:

The Chicken N Cheese is initially $3, but for non loose change menu items, removing protein inputs lowers the cost, without out the McChicken patty it comes to a total of $1.40. You are left with a bun and a half slice of cheese.

Open this bun and slide in your Filet O Fish patty. Using a straw, or cutlery of provided, spread tartare sauce onto the bun. You now have a Filet O Fish burger.


I don’t have photos of the individual inputs because my local McDonald’s branch nicely took all the shame out if this loophole for me and assembled my burger for me. Shame free savings=winning in life!!! Hopefully your local McDonald’s will understand your life problems and free you of any shame too.

I haven’t eaten a Filet O Fish in over 10 years, as I couldn’t afford it before this. However, this loophole tastes just like what I’ve been dreaming about for the last 10 years. It’s just like a cheeseburger but with the dry, cheap crumbed fish fillet with the tangy tackiness that only McDonald’s can master.

Shame analysis
As you can see from the My Maccas shame calculator below.


The fair value of the Fillet O Fish Loophole is $3.40, estimating the intrinsic value of the inputs to be:

  • Fillet O Fish patty: $1.60
  • 1/2 slice of cheese: $0.25
  • Tartare sauce: $0.40
  • Cheeseburger bun: $1.15
  • Shame: $1.35

Here are some ways to reallocate that $1.35 saving shame:

  • Perform the McFlurry Loophole for $1.10
  • Perform the McNuggets Loophole for $1.60
  • Add bacon to your Filet-O-Fish for $1
  • Small fries for $1
  • Four soft serve cones for $1.20
  • Apple pie for $1.50

Happy savings!!!

Feel free follow me/share posts/photos/comments on Twitter @arbkitscissors 

Or like/post photos/comments to the Facebook Page


Cheap Ass Rocky road

Do you have no money but want to show your Valentine’s that you love them? Or are you looking for a way to just eat your feelings today? Either way if you’re a huge tight ass here is the best cheap-ass rocky road recipe ever. It’s also super easy to make so you can quickly get back to your Candy Crush game, the only time in life where melting chocolate is evil.

Once upon a time when I was a tight ass, I used to make this for friends birthdays, parties and for Prince Charming on our monthly anniversaries. This rocky road is so awesome that my friends didn’t dump me after, as the great taste and texture of this recipe outweighed my cheap gestures.

There are two editions below, a Valentine’s edition and a normal everyday edition. Both will set you back a total of $4.67 and $7.17, respectively when the generic brand, supermarket ingredients have been apportioned.

Tight-ass Rocky Road (Valentine’s edition)

This version makes six solid rocky road hearts, which if we’re being lame will win the heart of a man who should really be a woman (i.e. a transvestite).

What you will need:

  • 160g marshmallows, chopped into halves
  • 18 raspberry lollies approx 90-100 grams, chopped into thirds
  • 1.5 tbs 40 grams crushed peanuts
  • 3-4tbs desiccated coconut approx 60 g
  • 300 grams chocolate

What to do:

  1. Get out your 6 heart silicone baking tin. This one was bought from Kmart for $5.
  2. Distribute marshmallows, raspberry lollies, coconut and peanuts equally.
  3. Melt chocolate
  4. Working quickly, place chocolate into each heart and mix with ingredients until combined
  5. Place rocky road in the fridge/freezer until hard

Make sure to lick the bowl and all the spoons clean because doing this brings back childhood nostalgia.


Normal everyday edition:

This edition is for the lazy people who can’t be bothered with the hearts or people who just want to eat their feelings. It makes a whole baking tin worth, so you can gift up to three friends with tight-ass rocky road for less than $2.50 a serve.

What you will need:

  • 250g marshmallows
  • 30 (165g) raspberries lollies
  • 3-4tbs (60-80g) crushed peanuts
  • 5-6tbs (approx 100g) desiccated coconut
  • 400grams melted chocolate

What to do:

  1. Get a normal round/square baking tin, probably best to line it with some baking paper.
  2. Follow steps 2 to 5 above


Admittedly this one does not look as pretty but it’s deliciously ugly and has a similar texture to the Darrell Lea rocky road only with a better taste.

Have time to show more love? You could also make her a Pikachu card


I Pik&chuse you!!

This Valentine’s day tell your partner that you love them as much as Ash Ketchum loves Pikachu with a self made card which says: Pik&chuse, I Pik&chuse you!


This card idea came about after a massive stint of FOMO when a Facebook friend’s boyfriend made her a Dorothy the Dinosaur birthday card because, well her name is Dorothy. I had to one-up her and make a bigger, better card for Valentine’s around the corner. It worked! I got more likes, more love from Price Charming and my Pikachu card was so immaculate, a Facebook friend thought Prince Charming was the one who made the card.

The card actually took a decent amount of time to make, drawing Pikachu in the correct proportions is harder than it looks, so attached below in the instructions is a Pikachu template. Although, with the template you might notice the feet and hands have been changed so it looks closer to Pikachu rather than Ratticlaw


What you will need

  • 1 sheet of A3 yellow card board (normal yellow not fluoro yellow)
  • Pink, red and brown coloured paper (plain origami paper works well)
  • A pencil for tracing
  • A black maker (can be whiteboard or permanent, I like the Sharpie brand)
  • Sharp, clean scissors for cutting the card
  • Glue stick
    1. Place the piece of cardboard in a landscape position, fold the piece of card board in half (from left to right preferable).


  1. Print out the template, either draw out Pikachu or blow up the template and sketch Pikachu. Make sure to draw the folded side marked with a dotted line on the folded side of the cardboard.
  2. Trace facial features and tail onto Pikachu
  3. Using the coloured paper, trace out:  hearts  (red paper), circles (pink paper) and tail patch (brown paper)
  4. Stick paper cut outs onto Pikachu according to the template
  5. Using the scissors, cut out Pikachu from folded cardboard. Be careful not to cut on the folded line.
  6. Outline Pikachu using the black marker, making sure to colour in his nose and ears.
  7. Open the card and write a lame Valentine’s message: Here are some serving suggestions:
  • Pik&chu, I Pick&chusssseee you
  • I Pik& Pik& Pik& Pikachuse you
  • I will never evolve and Raichu off
  • I still get an electric shock from you

If you don’t want Pik&Chu you can have any other Pokemon, just follow the same method but change the Pokemon you draw. Here are some suggestions:

For you are magikarp hahaha….lame.

For your our partner has become so metrosexual you can’t differentiate his gender anymore as “your looks are starting to Jynx me”.

For “I still Diglett you”

Feel free follow me/share posts/photos/comments on Twitter @arbkitscissors 

Or like/post photos/comments to the Facebook Page


El-Gemma: the Ching Chong Chicken

Happy ching chong ling long ting tong new year everyone!

Hope everyone who reads this gets rich, gets lucky and gets fat after all the festive Chinese feasts they’ve been eating.

My CNY has been great. I think my grandmother has finally walked into a McDonald’s store and realised that inflation grew quite rapidly from 1992 to 2014. This year she has finally indexed her consistent new year red pocket of $5 to $10. Woohoo winning in life!!

CNY is great, as it’s the two week period where your relatives will avoid calling you fat so that you eat, eat, eat until a food coma occurs. So today to celebrate new year, here’s an awesome Shan Dong chicken recipe. It’s burnt and charcoaled like Eljannah. So we shall rename it to:

El-Gemma: the Ching Chong Chicken.

What you will need:
-1.8 kilo chicken (the bigger the chicken the better)
-2.5 tbs dark soy sauce
-2.5 tbs dry sherry or vermouth
-1 tbs sesame oil
-1 tbs grated ginger
-4 cloves garlic, crushed
-3-4 tsp ground Szechuan pepper


What to do:
1. Mix all sauces, spices and oils in a bowl
2. Get a plastic bag (any clean plastic bag will do) and place the chicken in the bag
3. Pour sauce mixture into the bag and using the bag, shake, massage sauce into the chicken
4. Marinade the chicken overnight or for up to 36 hours, making sure to turn over the chicken in the marinade half way
5. Preheat oven to 200 degrees of fan forced oven, 220 if not
6. Remove chicken from the bag and place on a tray. Make sure to save the marinade sauce
7. Bake chicken in the oven for approximately 1 hour and 20 minutes. Also place a tray of water underneath the chicken, this will help to keep the bird moist.
8. While the chicken is baking, bring excess marinade to the boil. It will thicken and turn into a great glaze
9. As the chicken is baking, every 10/15/20 minutes of so, paint on more glaze using a pastry brush. This will give the bird more flavour, great charcoaling and prevent the skin from peeling.
10. Take out the bird when done and let it rest for a while. It will look like an 80 year old woman who has had too many solarium visits.


While the bird is resting, I really recommend you whip up the best dipping sauce for the bird. It’s the same sauce which comes with Shan dong chicken at Golden Fang, the awesome, cheap but dirty Chinese restaurant next door to the Landsdowne Hotel.

Sweet, sour, tangy and salty sauce

What you will need:
1/3 cup of cold water
1/3 cup of white vinegar
1 tbs grated ginger
2 cloves garlic, crushed
1 tbs sambal oelek
2 tbs brown sugar
1 tbs soy sauce
3 tbs chopped coriander
1 tsp corn flour
1 tbs water

How to make the sauce:
1. Mix all ingredients in a bowl except for the coriander, cornflour and extra tbs water
2. In a small saucepan, bring the mixture to a boil on low to medium heat
3. Mix cornflour with extra water
4. Place cornflour mixture in saucepan and allow to thicken
5. Take sauce off heat and add in chopped coriander


Now that the sauce is done, chop your bird either into pieces like Nandos or shred it up to be served with the sauce. Devour the bird like a caveman, it’s finger licking goodness.