0

The Quarter Pounder Loophole

Hi blog reader! I hope I haven’t starved you of shame and McDonald’s savings while I was on my involuntary blogging hiatus!

It appears that my blog has gotten a few hits while I have been catching wedding bouquets (yes trying to speed up my fairytale life), working, not eating McDonalds, and shopping. Some wonderful reader, shared my blog on OzBargain, and I got a lot more attention, so now every time I seem to try a loophole these days, I swear some stores give me death stares.

Regardless of these death stares, I did come up with the Quarter Pounder Loophole today where you save $1.20 off the extortionate retail price of $5.05. This idea came after trying the McChicken Loophole on OzBargain, which I will later write a review on how it all worked if one does not have shameless friends. After trying this loophole, I found out that you can buy a Quarter Pounder bun for only 75 cents, and that is how it all began…

The Quarter Pounder Loophole

What to do:

This Loophole involves ordering in two lots. The first order is to ask for everything but the Quarter Pounder patty, so that is:

  • A Quarter Pounder bun
  • 2 slices of cheese
  • Mustard
  • Ketchup
  • Pickles
  • Onion

Generally, you need to go to someone who is experienced with the registers to do this, so find someone wearing the nicer coloured shirts or those who have stars on their badge. You will then end up with a Quarter Pounder without the patty for $2.25 as below:

wpid-PhotoGrid_1405003360119.jpg

The next thing you need to do is, go to another McDonalds if you are by yourself, or ask a friend to order a Quarter Pounder patty for $1.60. If your first order looked as stingy as mine, make sure to ask for more onions and pickles.

wpid-PhotoGrid_1405003700149-1.jpg

Once you have both of these orders, all you need to do is assemble the burger! And now, with these orders combined, you have a Quarter Pounder for only $3.85

wpid-PhotoGrid_1405003804815.jpg
This loophole works as all components of the Quarter Pounder can either be purchased individually, or they are free. Refer to the cost breakdown below for more detail:

 

image

Quarter Pounder Shame

I must admit doing these loopholes where you need to walk to two stores to obtain all components, actually does feel really shameful, but remember, nothing tastes as good as shame feels. 

2

The Double Cheeseburger Loophole

Once upon a time McDonald’s used to offer the Double Cheeseburger as part of its Loose Change menu.  However,  Mcdonald’s has since reinstated the Double Cheeseburger as part of its full priced menu for an extortionate $4.35. Now the closest substitute is the Double Beef n Bacon burger for $3.00. But what if you are poor, Jewish or Islamic? This new product is really discriminating and McDonald’s bacon is generally below average, making the new substitute largely inferior.

Well to honour diversity, here is the Double Cheeseburger Loophole, which is essentially an extension of The Cheesy Cheeseburger Loophole. This will get you a Double Cheeseburger for $2.90. $1.45 cheaper than the full priced menu, and 10 cents cheaper than the Double Beef n Bacon burger, eliminating the free pork dilemma.

How it works
The only difference between a cheeseburger and a double cheeseburger is an extra slice of cheese and an extra patty. As you can transform the Cheesy BBQ burger into a Cheeseburger with an extra slice of cheese for $2, for an additional 90 cents, the cost of an extra patty, you can make a Double Cheeseburger.

image

Spot the difference

What to order:

  • A Cheesy BBQ burger
    • No bbq sauce
    • Add mustard
    • Add pickles
    • Add extra cheese burger patty
    • Free packs of ketchup

    image

    Paper proof

    What to do
    Order the item, if you have a server with at least a IQ of 80, you will receive a Double Cheeseburger missing only the ketchup.
    Open the burger and spread the ketchup with anything you can use to substitute a knife (straws work quite well).
    Reassemble the burger and you now have a Double Cheeseburger and an extra 200 calories compared to a Cheeseburger.

    image

    Shame/Stupidity analysis

    As with all loopholes McDonald’s likely has these pricing discrepancies to take advantage of the average person’s shame or stupidity. Because the only difference between a Cheeseburger and a Double Cheeseburger is the extra patty which costs 90 cents and an extra slice of cheese at 50 cents, you can transform the Cheeseburger into a Double Cheeseburger for $4.00. This infers that McDonald’s values the stupidity of customers who purchase the Double Cheeseburger, and don’t know the difference between a Double Cheeseburger and a Cheeseburger at 35 cents.

    The base item of the Double Cheeseburger Loophole involves transforming a $2 Cheeseburger with an extra slice of cheese, into a Double Cheeseburger with just one 90 cent patty. The only reason one will avoid doing this with perfect information is a shame value greater than the $1.45 price differential between retail cost and base cost.
    image

    As $1.45>$0.35, we can conclude from this that for McDonald’s the value of shame > value of stupidity.

    Also check out the McFlurry Loophole, McNuggets Loophole, and the Fillet O Fish Loophole

    Feel free follow me/share posts/photos/comments on Twitter @arbkitscissors 

    Or like/post photos/comments to the Facebook Page

0

The Cheesy Cheeseburger Loophole

The Australian cheeseburger reality

The Australian cheeseburger reality

Gone are the days where a McDonald’s cheeseburger cost less than a 2 dollar coin. Currently, a McDonald’s cheeseburger is $2.60, a minimal combination of three coins, which is also similar to the total number of bites you can get from one cheeseburger. Well my friends, I have found a way to obtain a cheeseburger for $2 instead of $2.60. This completely changes the old fundamental inequality as now the minimal combination of coins required is less than the number of cheeseburger bites obtainable (1 < 3 , therefore = winning in life!). Oh, and before I get to mention, this loophole gets you an extra slice of cheese, making it super cheesy!

The Cheesy Cheeseburger Loophole

Order the following:

  • One cheesy BBQ burger with:
    • No BBQ sauce
    • Add mustard
    • Add pickles
    • Some free ketchup packets

    Total cost = $2, as the Cheesy BBQ burger is on the Loose Change menu

    20140321_215347

    Paper proof

    What to do

    If you need to be less shifty here’s the ordering sentence:

    “Hi can I please have a cheesy BBQ burger with mustard instead of BBQ sauce and can you add pickles?”

    95 per cent of the time your request will be granted. However, there are times at McDonald’s restaurants where you get a really stupid server you can’t understand your request, or a really smart server who wants to extort your full willingness to pay.

    Conditional to your request being granted, you will receive a cheeseburger with an additional slice of cheese, only missing ketchup.To fix this, simply open up the burger, and squirt all the free Heinz ketchup onto the top of the bun, distribute the ketchup evenly around the bun using either a straw or $1 fries.

    Step 1 and Step 2

    Step 1 and Step 2

    Reassemble your burger and enjoy the Cheesy Cheeseburger Loophole.wpid-PhotoGrid_1395409291584.jpg

    Cheesy grins from extra cheesy wins

    Savings Analysis

    Assuming McDonald’s Australia has fairly priced all the items on its menu, then we can value the product from the Cheesy Cheeseburger Loophole to be $3.10 after we account for the extra slice of cheese McDonald’s prices at $0.50. Pretty picture below.

    PhotoGrid_1395447558983

    Given the loophole only sets you back $2, this means you are really winning by $1.10, even though your cash savings are only a meagre 60 cents. Time to buy two 30 cent cones with the loose change you will gain from shamefully exploiting the Loose Change menu!

    Also check out the:
    McFlurry Loophole 
    The Fillet O Fish Loophole

    Or the McNuggets Loophole 

    Feel free follow me/share posts/photos/comments on Twitter @arbkitscissors 

    Or like/post photos/comments to the Facebook Page

7

The Filet O Fish Loophole

At the time of writing, the gourmet Filet O Fish burger is an unaffordable $4.75. And no, that’s not the small McValue meal, that’s just the tiny,  unsatisfying minibun burger.

How can I enjoy a filet o fish when I can’t even afford it without a loophole?

Being 25 years old, my parents no longer pay for my McDonald’s trips and all McExpenses are paid for out of my own pocket. So in order to be able to save for a Sydney home without a winning lottery ticket, I need to be shameless and resort to tightass tactics at McDonald’s. Here today is the Filet O Fish loophole, which willl save you $1.35 cents off the retail price.

The Filet-O-Fish Loophole

Order:

  • 1 Chicken N Cheese with no McChicken patty and no sauce $1.40
  • 1 Filet O Fish patty $1.60
  • 1 serving of tartare sauce $0.40

Total: $3.40

Proof!

Proof!

Here’s how:

The Chicken N Cheese is initially $3, but for non loose change menu items, removing protein inputs lowers the cost, without out the McChicken patty it comes to a total of $1.40. You are left with a bun and a half slice of cheese.

Open this bun and slide in your Filet O Fish patty. Using a straw, or cutlery of provided, spread tartare sauce onto the bun. You now have a Filet O Fish burger.

image

I don’t have photos of the individual inputs because my local McDonald’s branch nicely took all the shame out if this loophole for me and assembled my burger for me. Shame free savings=winning in life!!! Hopefully your local McDonald’s will understand your life problems and free you of any shame too.

I haven’t eaten a Filet O Fish in over 10 years, as I couldn’t afford it before this. However, this loophole tastes just like what I’ve been dreaming about for the last 10 years. It’s just like a cheeseburger but with the dry, cheap crumbed fish fillet with the tangy tackiness that only McDonald’s can master.

Shame analysis
As you can see from the My Maccas shame calculator below.

image

The fair value of the Fillet O Fish Loophole is $3.40, estimating the intrinsic value of the inputs to be:

  • Fillet O Fish patty: $1.60
  • 1/2 slice of cheese: $0.25
  • Tartare sauce: $0.40
  • Cheeseburger bun: $1.15
  • Shame: $1.35

If you really feel that disgraceful in your filthy shame after your Filet O Fish, here are some ways to reallocate that $1.35 saving shame:

  • Perform the McFlurry Loophole for $1.10
  • Perform the McNuggets Loophole for $1.60
  • Add bacon to your Filet-O-Fish for $1
  • Small fries for $1
  • Four soft serve cones for $1.20
  • Apple pie for $1.50

Happy savings!!!

Feel free follow me/share posts/photos/comments on Twitter @arbkitscissors 

Or like/post photos/comments to the Facebook Page

0

Cheap Ass Rocky road

Do you have no money but want to show your Valentine’s that you love them? Or are you looking for a way to just eat your feelings today? Either way if you’re a huge tight ass here is the best cheap-ass rocky road recipe ever. It’s also super easy to make so you can quickly get back to your Candy Crush game, the only time in life where melting chocolate is evil.

Once upon a time when I was a tight ass, I used to make this for friends birthdays, parties and for Prince Charming on our monthly anniversaries. This rocky road is so awesome that my friends didn’t dump me after, as the great taste and texture of this recipe outweighed my cheap gestures.

There are two editions below, a Valentine’s edition and a normal everyday edition. Both will set you back a total of $4.67 and $7.17, respectively when the generic brand, supermarket ingredients have been apportioned.

Tight-ass Rocky Road (Valentine’s edition)
image

This version makes six solid rocky road hearts, which if we’re being lame will win the heart of a man who should really be a woman (i.e. a transvestite).

What you will need:

  • 160g marshmallows, chopped into halves
  • 18 raspberry lollies approx 90-100 grams, chopped into thirds
  • 1.5 tbs 40 grams crushed peanuts
  • 3-4tbs desiccated coconut approx 60 g
  • 300 grams chocolate

What to do:
image

  1. Get out your 6 heart silicone baking tin. This one was bought from Kmart for $5.
  2. Distribute marshmallows, raspberry lollies, coconut and peanuts equally.
  3. Melt chocolate
  4. Working quickly, place chocolate into each heart and mix with ingredients until combined
  5. Place rocky road in the fridge/freezer until hard

Make sure to lick the bowl and all the spoons clean because doing this brings back childhood nostalgia, and let’s be honest, being a grown up really sucks.

image

Normal everyday edition:

This edition is for the lazy people who can’t be bothered with the hearts or people who just want to eat their feelings. It makes a whole baking tin worth, so you can gift up to three friends with tight-ass rocky road for less than $2.50 a serve.

What you will need:

  • 250g marshmallows
  • 30 (165g) raspberries lollies
  • 3-4tbs (60-80g) crushed peanuts
  • 5-6tbs (approx 100g) desiccated coconut
  • 400grams melted chocolate

What to do:

  1. Get a normal round/square baking tin, probably best to line it with some baking paper.
  2. Follow steps 2 to 5 above

image

Admittedly this one does not look as pretty but it’s deliciously ugly and has a similar texture to the Darrell Lea rocky road only with a better taste.

Have time to show more love? Or really screwed up this year and need to suck up to her? You could also make her a Pikachu card

1

I Pik&chuse you!!

This Valentine’s day tell your partner that you love them as much as Ash Ketchum loves Pikachu with a self made card which says: Pik&chuse, I Pik&chuse you!

image

This card idea came about after a massive stint of FOMO when a Facebook friend’s boyfriend made her a Dorothy the Dinosaur birthday card because, well her name is Dorothy. I had to one-up her and make a bigger, better card for Valentine’s around the corner. It worked! I got more likes, more love from Price Charming and my Pikachu card was so immaculate, a Facebook friend thought Prince Charming was the one who made the card.

The card actually took a decent amount of time to make, drawing Pikachu in the correct proportions is harder than it looks, so attached below in the instructions is a Pikachu template. Although, with the template you might notice the feet and hands have been changed so it looks closer to Pikachu rather than Ratticlaw

Instructions

What you will need

  • 1 sheet of A3 yellow card board (normal yellow not fluoro yellow)
  • Pink, red and brown coloured paper (plain origami paper works well)
  • A pencil for tracing
  • A black maker (can be whiteboard or permanent, I like the Sharpie brand)
  • Sharp, clean scissors for cutting the card
  • Glue stick
    1. Place the piece of cardboard in a landscape position, fold the piece of card board in half (from left to right preferable).

image

  1. Print out the template, either draw out Pikachu or blow up the template and sketch Pikachu. Make sure to draw the folded side marked with a dotted line on the folded side of the cardboard.
  2. Trace facial features and tail onto Pikachu
  3. Using the coloured paper, trace out:  hearts  (red paper), circles (pink paper) and tail patch (brown paper)
  4. Stick paper cut outs onto Pikachu according to the template
  5. Using the scissors, cut out Pikachu from folded cardboard. Be careful not to cut on the folded line.
  6. Outline Pikachu using the black marker, making sure to colour in his nose and ears.
  7. Open the card and write a lame Valentine’s message: Here are some serving suggestions:
  • Pik&chu, I Pick&chusssseee you
  • I Pik& Pik& Pik& Pikachuse you
  • I will never evolve and Raichu off
  • I still get an electric shock from you

If you don’t want Pik&Chu you can have any other Pokemon, just follow the same method but change the Pokemon you draw. Here are some suggestions:

Magikarp
image
For you are magikarp hahaha….lame.

Jynx
image
For your our partner has become so metrosexual you can’t differentiate his gender anymore as “your looks are starting to Jynx me”.

Diglett
image
For “I still Diglett you”

Feel free follow me/share posts/photos/comments on Twitter @arbkitscissors 

Or like/post photos/comments to the Facebook Page

0

El-Gemma: the Ching Chong Chicken

Happy ching chong ling long ting tong new year everyone!

Hope everyone who reads this gets rich, gets lucky and gets fat after all the festive Chinese feasts they’ve been eating.

My ching chong new year has been great. I think my grandmother has finally walked into a McDonald’s store and realised that inflation grew quite rapidly from 1992 to 2014. This year she has finally indexed her consistent new year red pocket of $5 to $10. Woohoo winning in life!!

CNY is great, as it’s the two week period where your relatives will avoid calling you fat so that you eat, eat, eat until a food coma occurs. So today to celebrate new year, here’s an awesome Shan Dong chicken recipe. It’s burnt and charcoaled like Eljannah but has a slant-eyed twist. So we shall rename it to:

El-Gemma: the Ching Chong Chicken.

What you will need:
-1.8 kilo chicken (the bigger the chicken the better)
-2.5 tbs dark soy sauce
-2.5 tbs dry sherry or vermouth
-1 tbs sesame oil
-1 tbs grated ginger
-4 cloves garlic, crushed
-3-4 tsp ground Szechuan pepper

image

What to do:
1. Mix all sauces, spices and oils in a bowl
2. Get a plastic bag (any clean plastic bag will do) and place the chicken in the bag
3. Pour sauce mixture into the bag and using the bag, shake, massage sauce into the chicken
4. Marinade the chicken overnight or for up to 36 hours, making sure to turn over the chicken in the marinade half way
5. Preheat oven to 200 degrees of fan forced oven, 220 if not
6. Remove chicken from the bag and place on a tray. Make sure to save the marinade sauce
7. Bake chicken in the oven for approximately 1 hour and 20 minutes. Also place a tray of water underneath the chicken, this will help to keep the bird moist.
8. While the chicken is baking, bring excess marinade to the boil. It will thicken and turn into a great glaze
9. As the chicken is baking, every 10/15/20 minutes of so, paint on more glaze using a pastry brush. This will give the bird more flavour, great charcoaling and prevent the skin from peeling.
10. Take out the bird when done and let it rest for a while. It will look like an 80 year old woman who has had too many solarium visits.

image

While the bird is resting, I really recommend you whip up the best dipping sauce for the bird. It’s the same sauce which comes with Shan dong chicken at Golden Fang, the awesome, cheap but dirty Chinese restaurant next door to the Landsdowne Hotel.

Sweet, sour, tangy and salty sauce

What you will need:
1/3 cup of cold water
1/3 cup of white vinegar
1 tbs grated ginger
2 cloves garlic, crushed
1 tbs sambal oelek
2 tbs brown sugar
1 tbs soy sauce
3 tbs chopped coriander
1 tsp corn flour
1 tbs water

How to make the sauce:
1. Mix all ingredients in a bowl except for the coriander, cornflour and extra tbs water
2. In a small saucepan, bring the mixture to a boil on low to medium heat
3. Mix cornflour with extra water
4. Place cornflour mixture in saucepan and allow to thicken
5. Take sauce off heat and add in chopped coriander

image

Now that the sauce is done, chop your bird either into pieces like Nandos or shred it up to be served with the sauce. Devour the bird like a caveman, it’s finger licking goodness.

2

I am a night-rider virgin

The other day I was having a conversation with a fun friend, who asked me a very personal and shameful question:
Have you ever caught the night-rider home?

Not wanting to lie and be caught out like Andy from The 40-year-old Virgin, who described boobs to feel like bags of sand, I shamefully admitted the truth – at age 25, I still have not lost my night-rider virginity.

The infamous Sydney night-rider

The infamous Sydney night-rider

The night-rider is a colloquial term for the buses which replace trains to suburban Sydney between the hours of 1am and 5am, when the trains cease running. Having passed the peak of my youth stage, where I used to be able to stay up till such late hours, it is worrying as to whether I will remain a night-rider virgin for life.

As per the norm, when you get FOMO pangs and feel as though you’re in the slow lane in life, you question yourself as to what happened in your life that put you into this situation. So I questioned myself and here are the reasons to why I am yet to pop my night-rider virginity:

  • I usually live close to the city, meaning I can catch a cab home for less than $20 and fall asleep in my bed with my excessively powdered, clown face within minutes of leaving the party.
  • I must not have gone out too much during the prime years of my life.
  • I was too scared to go on a night rider which ventured through the Bankstown area during twilight.

To be honest, I thought I was quite classy and it was an achievement to have never caught the night-rider home. Although, after being told that it’s just not normal, I’m starting to feel as though I’m really missing out, as I now imagine the night-rider could be like the following situations:

The party bus
Also another bus I am yet to board, a fun bus with fluoro lights, booze, dancing party people and poles.

Another infamous bus I am yet to ride

Another infamous bus I am yet to ride

A sea of vomit
People who go out late at night are more likely to have had alcohol. And people who have had alcohol are more likely to vomit. So it could be like the Magical School Bus venturing through the human oesophagus, but in this case a sea of McDonald’s vomit all over the bus floor. In this case, I will wear my Speedos to swim laps, if I ever do lose my night-rider virginity.

Literally vom

Literally vomit

A normal bus ride

A bus which takes one forever to get from the city to their home suburb in the dusky hours of the morning. Since some people are drunk, it may involve some late night karaoke and the smell of a regurgitated McChicken patty. In this case, I’m still missing out on the ordinary things in life.

An ordinary life experience that is nothing like a box of chocolates

An ordinary life experience that is nothing like a box of chocolates

So now I’m desperately trying to have a big night out to finally lose my night-rider virginity. However, I may be too late as all my friends now have cars and no longer have the ability to stay up past midnight. I also can’t catch the night-rider home by myself at night, that’s just sad.

Aunt Agony, help me!
Is being a night-rider virgin really that taboo? Is anyone else out there still a night-rider virgin? Maybe we can do a groupie thing and ride our first night-rider bus home together?

0

Commit carbicide today – easy olive beer bread

I love carbs, I love carbs so much that my excuse to Maria Kang for being as fat and flabby as Snorlax, is the nightly bread sale that occurs at supermarkets. Yes Maria Kang, I would wear the shirt below around my milky-way sized waist with immense pride. image My favourite carb is freshly baked bread, but the process of making bread is just so painfully long, that you may as well die on your diet and not commit carbacide. Well not anymore, fellow reader, here is a recipe for some great olive beer bread that requires minimal washing and waiting time.

Here’s what you need:
-1 bottle of beer approx 330ml-360ml
-2 2/3 cups of self raising flour
-1 cup of any kind of olives, roughly chopped
-1 bread loaf tin

image

What to do:
-Preheat the oven to 180 degrees
-Spray bread loaf tin with some grease
-Place flour in the baking tin
-Pour in all the beer (maybe best to let fizz die down for a few seconds before adding more)
-Mix beer and flour in the tin until just combined
-Add olives, mix in roughly
-Bake bread for around 55 minutes to 1 hour

Your bread ends up coming out of the oven like a newborn baby, that is pretty damn ugly at first.

image

But after you detatch it from the tin, make a few cuts and serve it on a platter. It’s very presentable and tastes like the salty, carby goodness you restrict yourself from whilst on a diet.

image

So next time you’re feeling down and sad, make sure you eat your feelings and commit carbicide with some easy olive beer bread.

14

The McNuggets Loophole

There is no chicken nugget in the world which can beat the iconic McNugget. Apparently since late 2007, McNuggets are made from 100% chicken breast meat, although I have a feeling this 100% is really a lie with the majority of McNuggets comprised of carcass, fat, skin, gristle, bones, nerves and blood vessels, oh and sodium phosphates to dye to dubious contents a nice white colour. I don’t mind eating McNuggets with all its mysterious elements but like the McFlurry, it is just really unfair that consumers in Australia have to pay so much to eat such great tasting, poor quality, trash. I mean what the hell McDonald’s Australia, $5.45 for a six pack of McNuggets? That’s just unfair extortion of the poor, uneducated, unhealthy, obese and/or extremely drunk stereotypes who habitually eat McDonald’s!

Well not anymore my friends, here is another loophole to save you money at checkout and get your petty revenge with the Golden Arches.

The McNuggets Loophole

The trick is to order McChicken patties instead of McNuggets. You see, one McChicken patty is equal to a little bit more than four McNuggets and is only $1.60. (Proof below)

image

The McChicken patty also tastes better as it has something like 11 herbs and spices, and it contains more white breast meat than the McNuggets which seem to have a questionable texture and after taste. So, by doing the McNuggets Loophole you are actually getting a higher quality product for less.

image

The only downfall of the McNuggets Loophole is that you don’t get your sauce included and have to pay 50 cents for each sauce packet be it sweet & sour, barbeque or mustard. However, even when the cost of sauce is included into the price calculations you are still winning by around by miles with savings ranging from 15 cents to 43 cents per a McNugget.

Savings per a McNugget

Shame Involved with the McNuggets Loophole

As we established from the McFlurry Loophole, McDonald’s has grossly underestimated the number of Australians who have no shame (i.e. shame=0) and the extortionate price differences are reflective of one’s pride and shame. So doing some simple calculations, the cost savings of shame involved has been estimated for each McNuggets combination available in Australia.

McNuggets Cost Comparison Table

McNuggets Cost Graph

As you can see, the shame involved with the McNuggets Loophole varies depending on size, with the 10 pack having the least shame and the 40 pack, which is offered as a McNugget Party in Germany for only €10, having the greatest amount of shame. The low price of the German engineered McNugget party just proves that at any exchange rate greater than 1 AUD = €0.4, Australian consumers are seriously getting ripped off on McNuggets.

Enjoy your savings lack of shame with the McNuggets Loophole.

Also check out the McFlurry Loophole and the Fillet O Fish Loophole

Feel free follow me/share posts/photos/comments on Twitter @arbkitscissors 

Or like/post photos/comments to the Facebook Page